Things NOT to do on dates

I've technically been on only one date which was long ago last year but the list below includes times where I've hung out with guys that I've met. So here is a list of things that you shouldn't do on dates (and yes, they happened to me):

1. Fall asleep on the date by putting your head down on the table and closing your eyes while they are speaking, thinking that they will think its a compliment that you're comfortable with them enough to do that.

2. Offer to pay the bill but when pulling out your wallet, realising that the gum you thought you had put in a tissue during the movie is actually on your wallet. And when handing over the money to the waitor, having the gum spread from the wallet to your fingers and subsequently onto the coins you give the waitor and therefore creating a stringy cob-web like mess between your bag, yourself, and the waitor.

3. Get blood all over your jeans while talking about life over lunch from a random nose bleed that happens once every 3 years. And having to be taken to a bar to get soda water to get the blood off your jeans and being propped up in the corner of the bar where theres sunlight so that the wet patches on your jeans can dry off. (I tried to dry my jeans in the bathroom hand dryer but I wasn't tall enough and nearly tripped and fell on my face in the process of trying to extend my leg high enough to the hand dryer).

4. Have the guy think you can't stay away from your parents for longer than 2 minutes because of lack of creative thinking when coming up with an excuse as to why you have to go to the bathroom once again from drinking too much water. It was 6am at a club and when was asked where I was going I said, "Um.. I'm going to call my parents to see how they are".

5. Write an email the next day of all the things that went wrong. This is what I wrote:

- they didnt take my movie voucher

- your coke spilled everywhere

- we couldnt find cinema 5

- male bathroom was closed

- still couldnt find cinema 5

- the starburst squirt lolly squirted onto my top leaving a mess

- bottle shop was closed

- M. and friend stunk the room cuz were smoking pot so had to go somewhere else

- other bottle shop was closed

- the bar closed while we were still drinking

- the road you wanted to drive into to drop me off said 'no entry'

-you broke the window handle on M.'s car

6. Tell them within the first hour you meet them that you don't want to be in a relationship

7. Trip over everytime you see them

8. Spray snot on their face when you laugh because you have a cold.

No wonder why my love life is quite dire at the moment with the most recent involvement with a guy involving shopping with my gay friend who made me try on a school uniform like dress and tried to force me to buy it to wear to the Mardi Gras so that I can be his faghag.